The Deaf Bookkeeper

Now that I have passed my first bookkeeping test with a score of 92%, here is a bookkeeping joke to celebrate! I feel like I am becoming more boring by the second!


A Mafia godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks.

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is.”The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.

The bookkeeper signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The attorney tells the godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you’re talking about.”
The godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper’s temple, and says, “Ask him again!”
The attorney signs to the bookkeeper, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him!”
The bookkeeper signs back, “OK! You win!
The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo’s backyard in Queens!”
The godfather asks the attorney, “Well, what’d he say?”

The attorney replies, “He says you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”

Death Humour

Pumpcast News

Turtles Picnic

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there.
By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back.

Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.

Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless. "I NEED FOOD!" he says with a hint of dementia in his voice.

"NO!" Joe retorts. "We promised."

Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock.

"Just for that, I'm not going."

This morning on the way to work, I rear-ended a car at some lights while not really paying attention. My fault!

Anyway the fella who was driving got out.......and he was a dwarf!
He said "I'm not happy!"
I said, "Well, which one are you then? "

Redneck pick up lines

1) Did you fart? cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea . I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

9) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.

10) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

Saddam's Cat

Thanks for sending me this Muffin!

Laura Bush bought George a parrot for his birthday.

She told Dick Cheney, "The bird is so smart! George has already taught him to mispronounce over 200 words!"

"Wow, that's pretty impressive," Cheney said. "But you realize that he just says the words.
He doesn't understand what they mean."

"That's okay," Laura replied. "Neither does the parrot."

GHETTO SPELLIN'
Words:
Jamal is a 15 year-old 5th grader.

........

This is Jamal's homework
assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.

1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.

2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good.

3. Rectum - I had two Cadillac's, but my bitch rectum both.

4. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I
miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.

5. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a
cup and said penis.

6. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "Man,
it look fake." He say, "Bullshit, that watch israel."

7. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho living in the
apartment undermine.

8. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "How much?"
she say "fortify."


Furthering your education with Today's Ebonic word....


Today's word is: "OMELETTE"

Let us use it in a sentence.

"I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelette
dis one slide."

Check out the nopers site.