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Mark Day Comedy

Burger King of Kings

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The Emperor

You are in command of the situation. You have the wisdom and authority to achieve your goals.The card in the Self position reveals aspects of how you perceive yourself right now. When the Emperor is in this position, you readily experience the strong, empowered side of yourself. Centered and grounded, you are aware of what it takes to achieve your will. At the moment, you possess everything you need to fulfill whatever plan or goal you have in mind. Nothing can be denied you. This is the time to move from idea to action. Set those things in motion that will please you and fulfill your desires for change and growth. You are the lord of the realm.

Redneck pick up lines

1) Did you fart? cuz you blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea . I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to sign you out.

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree and I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

9) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon.

10) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.

The Empress

Your presence, warm and generous, is sought after by those around you.The card in the Self position reveals aspects of how you perceive yourself right now. The Empress symbolizes harmony, comfort, creativity and wisdom. This Great Mother beckons us with her life-giving support. She is the abundant matrix from which we draw vital life and out of which we individuate. The Empress exemplifies health and natural joy in the body, the healing arts, music and all things good, true and beautiful. We learn our highest ideals from her. The Empress in this position indicates that you personify something generous, warm and nurturing.

ergophobic

ergophobic
Someone who fears work. Usually, this word is used jocularly.

Source: Weird And Wonderful Words
Published by: Oxford University Press

Darren Has A Mustang...

Aparently he likes to drive it fast!

Safe Cracker

About a week ago a friend asked me to open her safe as she was having difficulty. It took me a few tries, but I was successful. She took this pic of me in action.

Sick Leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises.
My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing?
I Told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think Iwas "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing ?
I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out.
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the> blonde) followed me, the Boss said to her, " And where do you think you're going?
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

retcon

retcon

an often-condemned practice of writers for television and other serial stories, such as comic books, in which they were mentioned previously unknown events in order to justify current plot points. The word is a blend of the words retroactive and continuity.

Source: Weird And Wonderful Words.

Published by: Oxford University Press.

More Mark Day Comedy

Britney Spears' pussy

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Demotivational Poster

Brockville, ON Tourism Site

Some of my family live in Brockville, ON. It is a pretty, small city on the St. Lawrence Rive towards the eastern end of the famous 1000 Islands. Brockville is home to Canada's oldest Railway Tunnel (from the river to about Central Ave. underneath the city)and Riverfest each summer. Click on the image for a larger version.
The site link is in the title or here.

jumentous

jumentous
a very rare adjective meaning 'resembling horses urine.'
In the nineteenth century, the Sydenham Society's Lexicon of Medicine and Allied Sciences defined this word as 'a term applied to urine which is high colored, strong smelling, and turbid, like that of the horse.' It comes from jument, an obsolete word that means 'a beast of burden.'

Source: Weird And Wonderful Words
Publisher: Oxford University Press.

The Scouts

I used to work for the same company as Rob (right), and he was a fun guy to work with...mind you considering his competition in that office...well.... anyway...

He and his friend Naydne are The Scouts. They have three of their original songs at their website, including the much anticipated Katie.

Personally I don't think they will be on the Billboard Top 100 anytime soon, but, you never know, so I would just like to state publicly that The Scouts are sooooo cool, (I haven't actually met Naydne, but she must be cool to have the name Naydne spelled so cooly) and sooooo cute too!

In my opinion, they are like the Hall & Oates of the Toronto folksy independent music scene. I have always been a big fan of this very talented musical duo! What amazing and wonderful people.

The following is from their website:
"Sometimes when couples break up, they hate each other's guts and never see each other again. Other times, they stay friends and write songs together."

(This endorsement of the scouts is in no way shape or form linked to my new life goal of being the No. 2 man in a celebrity entourage. So don't fu#*ing call me Kato!).

Card 74: Page of Pentacles

This card is traditionally entitled the Page, but in some modern decks appears as a Princess. This card's energy has to do with learning about compound interest and abundance. Her attention is focused on learning the natural laws that pertain to natural synergies. Whether the learning is about growing vegetables, the stock market or culturing new medicines in the lab, this Page wants to understand the underlying mechanism that supports the creation of results and abundance. You may see this person in the position of the attendant or junior partner, but that is only a current appearance. That demeanor of humility or servitude will soon enough disappear, as her sense of mastery increases. By studying the example of those around her, successful and unsuccessful, she is building a game plan that will lift her from obscurity and make her successful in her own right. She just has to collect the necessary education and experience, which she is doing right now.

Hermits Gone Wild!

Mark Day Comedy

I just found this guy on You tube. The link will take you to his myspace page. He is quite funny, but not as funny as me! Oh yeah, his name is Mark Day.

Shortbread

Today I made Shortbread. Here is the recipie:

1 Cup Butter @ room temp.
1/2 Cup Powdered Sugar
1 tsp. Vanilla Extract (optional)
1/2 Cup Rice Flour
1 1/2 - 1 3/4 Cups all purpose flour

Directions:
In a large bowl, cream butter. Gradually add sugar and vanilla. Beat until light and fluffy. Gradually beat in rice flour and all purpose flour.
Turn onto a floured surface and knead lightly drawing in more flour until dough begins to crack. Form into a ball and refrigerate for 30 minutes.
Roll dough on lightly floured surface to 1/4 inch thickness. Cut with cookie cutter or into bars and bake on an ungreased cookie sheet in a preheated oven at 350 degrees for 15-18 minutes or until lightly golden. Let cool for 5 minutes on baking sheet. Transfer to cooling rack until completely cool. Store in tins or freezer.
Makes approximately 40 cookies.

Taste Test Update:
These turned out a bit on the dry side. I am going to try this recipie again using a bit more butter and a little less flour and see what happens.

Saddam's Cat

Thanks for sending me this Muffin!

Plutoed

The link to the article is in the post title.

Plutoed is the word of the year chosen by the American Dialect Society at its annual meeting on Friday.

"To "pluto" is "to demote or devalue someone or something" much like what happened to the former planet last year when the General Assembly of the International Astronomical Union decided Pluto did not meet its definition of a planet. "

I guess to say that Nortel stock got plutoed a few years back would be correct?

Apple Hermits

I am baking these today, and they are really, really good!

INGREDIENTS
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup softened butter
1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar
1 egg, beaten
1 cup chopped walnuts
1 cup chopped apples
1 cup raisins
2/3 cup confectioners' sugar
1 tablespoon milk

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Line cookie sheets with parchment paper.
In a medium bowl, sift together flour, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, and salt. In a large mixing bowl, cream butter until light and fluffy. Mix in sugar and egg. Stir in flour mixture, and mix thoroughly. Fold in nuts, apples, and raisins.
Drop by rounded teaspoon onto prepared cookie sheets about 1 1/2 inches apart. Bake for 12 to 14 minutes. Cool on wire rack.
In a small bowl, mix confectioners' sugar with milk to make a thin glaze. Drizzle over cooled cookies.

The Magician

You have a talent for creating something from nothing.

The card in the Self position reveals aspects of how you perceive yourself right now.

The Magus symbolizes imagination, creativity and an inventive nature. Your unique intelligence and talent for clever experimentation is a valuable asset. The Magus serves as a catalyst, an agent of change. His influence is a fresh breeze blowing through any situation.

So be playful, and stay open. Don't limit yourself, the possibilities are endless. Try things, see what happens and correct your course as you go. Tease open the minds of those who are watching to see what you will do.

David's New Video Project

This is David's most recent video composition. The camera work was done in Toronto ON during Pride 2006, by David. He then edited the footage at home using his Mac and Final Cut Express. The song used in the video is The Pet Shop Boys, "The Sodom And Gomorrah Show" from their excellent 2006 album "Fundamental".

I think this is excellent. Please watch it! You can also rate it on you tube!

Fake Advertisements

From the site: www.worth1000.com

The World

What has traditionally been known as the World card points to the presiding intelligence, called "Sophia," or Wisdom, which upholds life on this and all worlds. A more precise title for this card might be "the Soul of the World," also applicable as a symbol of personal empowerment and freedom. In most Tarot decks it is a female figure that has become our standard World image. She originates in Hebrew, Gnostic and Alchemical lore, and stands between heaven and earth as the Cosmic Mother of Souls, the Wife of God and our protector from the karmic forces we have set loose upon the Earth in our immaturity and ignorance. Where the Empress energy secures and fertilizes our terrestrial lives, the goddess of The World invites us into cosmic citizenship -- once we come to realize our soul's potential for it. Just as the Chariot stands for success in achieving a separate Self, and Temperance represents achievement of mental and moral health, the World card announces the awakening of the soul's Immortal Being, accomplished without the necessity of dying. This card, like the Sun, is reputed to have no negative meaning no matter where or how it appears. If the Hermetic axiom is "Know Thyself", this image represents what becomes known when the true nature of Self is followed to creative freedom and its ultimate realization.